i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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