Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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