I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
