your parents love me but you hate me
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize