Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we're making bets on your personal life
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Randomize
