tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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