did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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