I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
