you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
