You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
