Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize