u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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