I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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