I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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