Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
