it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
