I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
