dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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