i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
