Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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