Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I feel like a drive thru vagina
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
