I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
