So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
