i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
