i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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