Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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