Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
