**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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