i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
