I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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