it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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