Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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