there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
