OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
