the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
