girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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