I CAN MOONWALK!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
17 year olds will be the death of me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
