They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize