he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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