How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
please don't ironically join a cult
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