I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
