I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
