420 ftw
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
