I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize