He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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