She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I supernannyed him into submission
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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