I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
