We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
