The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
