Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
