All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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