covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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