wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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