I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
