I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
