imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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