I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
