the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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