lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
