they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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