dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
