His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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