at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
