oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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