I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
