you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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