Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
