i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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