my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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