I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize