is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
