The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
