Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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