god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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