I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
