You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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