did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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