all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
