I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
