She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
