real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
