so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
