At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
