i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
