you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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