i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
