he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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