last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
