last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
