haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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