doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
