So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
