Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
last night I used snow as a chaser
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
