DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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