I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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