I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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