i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
