So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I accidentally burped into my bong.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
