I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
