mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You can't special order awesome
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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