I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Damn victory sex feels great
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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