I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
