scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
