I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Come share oat with me in your robe
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
