theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
