You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize